Main aur kuch bhi nahi

Main kuch bhi nahi

Bas pani ki pyas,
Barsat ki aas,
Phoolon ke paas
Anjani raaz
Ye hi hoon!!
Main aur kuch bhi nahi

Zindagi me jeevan
Aag me agan
Khud me magan
Aur vshal gagan
Ye hi hoon!!
Main aur kuch bhi nahi

Samay ki suii
Koi naram ruhii
Tajurben me boyi
Ek ladi
Bas yahi hoon
Main aur kuc bhi nahin

Kwab hain

Kuch istarah ke khwab hain
Akon me samaye
Dil se banaye
Chandi se piroye

Aur kuch aise kwab hain
Jo sone nade
Jo rone nade
Jo duniya me mujhe khojaane nade

Kwab hain…

Bathaein tho kaise
Haqeekat banaye tho kaise
Hasil kiya jaaye tho kaise
Akhir ye sab khwab hi hain!!!

Kuch kwab hain
Rula rula ke satha thi hai
Satha satha ke sulathi hai
So so ke dekhthi hoon
Phir subhe sabko sunathi hoon

Kwab hain… ye mere kwab hain

Kuch kwab hain
Tumhe yaad dilathi hai
Meri yadon me sathi hai
Tumse milne majboor karthi hain
Phir soch ke jo huaa bhool jaathi hoon

Kwab hain… ye bhi mere kwab hain

Kuch istarah ke khwab hain
Akon me samaye
Dil se banaye
Chandi se piroye

Aur kuch aise kwab hain
Jo sone nade
Jo rone nade
Jo duniya me mujhe khojaane nade

Kwab hain…

Kabi idhar, kabi udhar

Kabi idhar, kabi udhar
Anjaan sheher me main bhatak rahi hoon idhar udhar
Kabi ye mile tho kabi vo
Anjaani shakleinmiljaathe hai roz roz

Main najaane kaun hoon, aur najane kya hoon
Main bas yuin hi anjaan banke
Bhatakthi rehthi hoon
Main kya chahthi hoon, aur kya chahthi hoon
Main baas, huin hi aapni duniya me
Shayad jeena chahthi hoon

Kabi idhar, kabi udhar

Tum aaoo mere pass tho shayad teek nalage
Tum jaaooge jab mujse milke tho shayad kwab lage
Main kya hoon sochoge
Par uska jawab kabi nahi paooge
Kuin ki, main shayad vo hawa hoon,
Jo joomthe, gaathe najaane kahan pahonch thi hoon
Main shayad tho toofaan hoon,
Jo ghoomthe ghoomthe behek jaathi hoon
Main bas yuin hi apni duniya me
Shayad jeena chahthi hoon

Kabi idhar, kabi udhar

Tumhe lage jab main tumhari dost hoon
To hoon, hamesha tumhare sath hoon
Tumhe lage ki main jeevan hoon,
To hoon, sirf jab tak tum jeena chahoge
Main ye bhi hoon, main vo bhi hoon
Par, main bas yuin hi apni duniya me
Shayad jeena chathi hoon

Kabi idhar, kabi udhar

Is sheher me agar tum dost ho to
Us sheher me koi aur mera dost tha
Is sheher tum tumne apna tho
Us sheher me kisi aurne apnaya tha
Yahan main tumhe kush rakhna chathi hoon
To vahan usko bhi khush rakhna chahthi hoon
Isliye nahi kuin ki main tum logon se anjaan hoon
Isliye kuin ki, main tumhari zindagi me khushi laana chahthi hoon
Main bas yuin hi apni duniya me
Shayad jeena chathi hoon

Kabi idhar kabi udhar

Check out APARTMENT: A Contemporary Urban Thriller

Title: APARTMENT: A Contemporary Urban Thriller
Link: http://gotaf.socialtwist.com/redirect?l=-52854504698591610721

It’s Phoolmani

It’s Phoolmani,
Mahashtrian female, nothing but a maid for couple of celebrities in Mumbai; now when she came to me for work I dint know how can I hire her to work for me? It’s a new city, just recently rented a flat, new people around, already learnt good lessons from people here in Mumbai, and therefore I was literally confused, moreover my work schedule is such, that It doesn’t permit me to live a normal life, and cant work all by myself! I then spoke to her couple of times and realized that she was quit cheerful and happy, every time I meet her I see her smile like as if it was never ending. But there is question running in my mind all time, is she really happy? How to ask her if she was really happy? Will she mind if I ask her? Ok, anyways, let me hire. And stopped thinking for that moment, this meant like taking a risk for me though.
She started working at home, she came in time, she was better than other few females who worked for me for a day or two. Humm, I was relaxed, she spoke well and used to wake me up, she troubles me with the horrible doorbell I had so that I wake up. Time passed by- 2 weeks. She hummed the songs that I used to sing with me, she always asked what my plan is for the day, and what I want to eat etc… I felt more like a companion having her around. So pleasant!
Suddenly, one day, she is quiet, so quiet that bothered me. Just rang a single bell, got me my bed tea, started her work and dint speak anything at all, I also kept myself occupied with my emails and chats for a while, just before I wrap up, I realized that I was missing her, the way she used to ask silly questions, Didi seemed to be like her favorite word. Slowly walked upto her and screamed in her ears, she was still quiet. Just asked me if I wanted anything else, I nodded “No”. Left from there and freshened up myself. An hour past, she was over the phone speaking in marathi, I knew a bit of her language so I could get what she was talking, she hide her tears so well that I couldn’t figure it out. Now what?
I asked her get back home and come back in the evening.
She came back smiling and as usual talking to me. Kept asking me questions and comforting me pretty well. I thought that was the right time to speak to her. I asked her, “what happened to you in the morning?”
Phoolmani: Nothing, I had a small trouble at home; I was just lost in thoughts. I was thinking about the solution.
- So did it solve?
Phoolmani: No, its an ongoing problem, dint know how to solve!
- humm, I believe that every problem has a solution, may be its difficult to solve but for sure it is solvable. Do you wanna share?
Phoolmani: Well, it’s a family problem. My kids are not studying well these days, I do everything for them to be well educated, that is the reason I work in so many houses. But my husband troubles them during their study hours. He fights with me every evening and my kids are affected. He is so drunk and uncontrollable when he’s drunk. I really don’t know what to do?
I was thinking and imaging her situation, it wasn’t too difficult because I was able to connect to her pretty well. Before I could take a proper pause, she says
- You would not understand didi, you are not married right?
That cleared me of why she was so quiet, she thought I would not understand the trouble and was actually discussing it with someone else.
I doubted if she found a solution! I was thinking of her really hard. I then suggested her couple of methods. But before even suggesting I thought of her, who is already a mother of 3 kids depending on her. I knew that our society had not yet made women the power of home, its still a man who rules the house in these little sub-urban areas. She earns, has put her kids in good English schools, and encourages her kids in their curriculum and other activities. When she her kids doing well she has an irresistible smile on her face; which actually energizes everyone around her. I was happy to see her back to normal by evening but this Q is still in my mind asking to myself, will Phoolmani get a peaceful life and get that real smile on her face ever? Does her drunkard husband ever realize how she been managing house all by herself? Does he realize how he’s been living all this life without working but just drinking alcohol like a pig? Will there be a time for him to sit and think about her and his children in future? Well, many more question rise in my mind but i really want to see someone who has found a solution for this.
All i could do is help her with some money and cloths for her kids. I gave her an option to shelter my home anytime she’s beaten badly by her husband. I know its not the right thing but i thought a temporary help to make him realize, anyways, if you get a solution for such Phoolmani’s do let me know, I know a few whom I need to help. I may not be a resourceful person, but i want to be the source of solution to whatever extent is possible.
Thanks, Feed backs- most welcome

Like

Like this long life, lead all alone,
I see this huge view of sea in front of me.
Like it shows the happiness and joy to you,
I can share the joy and smiles in me.

Like this never ending sea has never dried,
I shall never end my love for you.
Like every immortal thing on earth,
I shall never end my life without you.

Like this sky filled with colors,
I have filled my heart with your memories.
Like this nature filled with vivid feelings,
I have filled you in my dreams.

Like sometimes you feel changes in weather,
I’ve changed my self for you.
Like sometimes the changes are inevitable,
I’ve loved inevitably just only you.

Like god don’t ask, people to pray,
I don’t ask you to love,
Like god just forgive everyone,
I forget every mistake you do.

But,
Just like parents can’t leave their loved ones,
I loved you, I can’t leave you.
Like every tree that dies where it’s born,
I will die with all the sweet memories of you.

Zombie's new turn

Moving on in life, the idea of being a model has suppressed for a while, was concentrating in learning the SPA treatments, dint study, but I was in charge of typing notes for students therefore was easy for me to learn and understand things all by me and my colleagues were really happy about my work and interest in upbringing the school. Here I was improving my inner qualities, like working in a hospitality industry, cleanliness, hygiene, punctuality, organizing the admin set up, dealing with different departments, fees, billing etc etc… looks like the list never ends…
All this was going on well and also kept my life so busy. All the time I was thinking about improving the school in its best way; discussing about my work with friends and colleagues. This actually gave me very little time for my personal life. I could not call Nitin as often as I used to or my parents too. He was upset about it, but I just had explanation and nothing much. There was a gap that started building up, but I never took it that serious. I always thought no matter what we will be together. I believed that I have made a emotional connection with him and not just the outer pleasure. But he could not understand what I was talking about. He really behaved so immature, by complaining about my over times at office, no time for him when he wants to come home, friends not being allowed at my home etc.. That he used to do when I used to live in Begum pet. I tried to handle the situation but could never convince him. He assumed that I had an affair may be therefore I was avoiding him, perhaps! Yes, this was upsetting, no solution at this point in time. Sometimes I cried and sometimes ignored but I never felt depressed this time. Some how I felt, this is all a love life is; happier in the beginning and ok after few months or a year. But, “to not give up” quality in me keeps me going.
With all the happy staff around I found a nice friend at Ista, his name is Yudishthir Singh Rathod, very patient and understanding. We met during the Annual day meetings at Ista and somehow we clicked to be really good friends. I hardly make friends who are close to me and when some is then there is something really interesting about the person that gets me closer to him or her. For sometime I was thinking about this friendship, is it true or not? But it was a true friendship. He came to me whenever I needed his help, whenever he felt I was lonely, I needed some compassion and never let me down. Sometimes when I had bad days at work he used to explain how things work in a hospitality industry, how the hierarchy is, how I should react or reply etc. This helped me so much in working better there! Finally we set the annual day on fire, full on fun, dance, drama, fashion show my god what not? It was a rocking evening with a closing party. Dj was organized and we had a great bash. After all this we get back to work, in like a month or so, Yudi got a transfer letter. I was really not ready to loose a friend and at the same time his marriage proposal too. After years of living alone (3 yrs by now) found a really good friend, but was loosing him. I felt handicapped at work, now there was no one for me to share my feelings and discuss about work. How much I was used to sharing my ideas to yudi and taking his suggestion before doing it? Now I had none but myself. We had a feeling of missing each other so much, therefore spent as much time as possible with each other. He was not only helping me professionally but also personally, he always used to tell me to get back to family, get married, be patient, etc. My mom liked him too; she used to always ask for him when she called me, he kind of connected to my mom so well, when she visited Hyderabad for diwali. Before he left, he knew everything about me and my family, so he knew where I was wrong and how I could rectify. But what’s the use, before he could help me solve the biggest problem in my life he is already preparing to go. It was really sad that he was going, everyone at work knew that we were really good friends including his boss and mine, infact some colleagues thought that we were having an affair too, but there was no time for an affair and we were clear about each others lives. He always kept telling me to settle with nitin as soon as possible, knowing that nitin doesn’t work and can get mislead anytime, he thought may be after marrying me he will be ok, but it was me who did not want to take the risk.
We went to watch a movie the day before he was leaving, and then got our portrait pictured from the mall, it was rainy and we enjoyed the rain too. Oh! It was such a fun filled day. It was really long that I enjoyed with any friend so much, just felt like a school girl who has her best friend always you see.
Anyways, finally he left one day. Such a disappointment it was. I did cry too. I dint believe myself that I was crying like a kid sitting at my desk. Now here comes Milind Salunke. He admires me for what I am, always; no he was not a colleague but a student. He was a Ayurvedic Doctor by profession but was interested in SPA therapies therefore joined our school. My god, he was such an irritating character I must say. Till when he joined our school he almost killed us by his phone calls for enquires and I was the unfortunate ones to deal with him. He always thanked me for the assistance, but also observed me closely after joining the school. When Yudi left Ista and I was almost lone, he kept me engaged. He is funny but irritating. He was our first student, so always has some exceptional reason to come to Admin office and talk to me.

Ok, some more, some other time, cheers!

Zombie contd

Time to continue guys, ok we stopped at Hyderabad.
Hyderbad city on the very first day seemed so pale and filled with boredom, but for a depressed mind like mine the atmosphere quite added on. Those were the recent days of my dear uncle’s death. So I was filled with loads of sadness and depression already, to ad on I had no friends in Hyderabad. I tried really hard to come out of it. I joined “Satyam” so that my life gets easier. Again worked there as a tech support executive for a handsome amount as salary. Resume and good amount of experience therefore, salary was not an issue. I was given a guest house to stay at “Banjara hills”, nice place I must say. Had some colleagues too in my flat, everyone was enjoying their stay except me, just the thing that my heart was not ready to accept anyone as friends, but I did make myself feel better in those 15 days that I stayed there. Suddenly, we all get a notice that the stat period is over and we have to look out for a stay elsewhere. Now I really dint know the city. With a little work out I understood that every new comer in the city stays at “Gachi Bowli, kondapur” etc, places that are close to office. But I dint want to do that, I took my opportunity to know the city better and wanted to stay away from those bangloreans, so worked out on the city and found a pent house at “Begumpet, Gagan vihar colony”, just next to airport (Old one). Quite and calm place, it was a furnished house, with gas too. Good, well cultured owners what else. I had a neighbor from south- Tamilian, they were newly wedded couple with a kid less than a year so I would spend some time with the kid, just to keep myself engaged and away from depression. It was nice to enjoy single-dom, I began to live like what I want to. While all this was going on, Srinivas came in my life, was a friend from b’lore but originally from Hyderabad. He suddenly developed an interest in me and got too possessive. Well developing an interest was quite natural so there was nothing harm but suddenly getting so possessive was too much to handle. Due to his crazy possessive attitude I almost lost my life, yes he literally manhandled me ad tamed me like an animal for a simple reason that the office cab picks me first and he had to call on my cell. Very unfortunate girl for happiness! His possessiveness was almost breaking nerves in brains, I was unwell and suddenly he got unwell too. But could not afford to leave him in a bad stage, he was not able to decide on what to do, he cried like a baby asking sorry for his behavior, but by then my mind was already set that this is the end, no more manhandling should be faced, last cry of death. Yes, death, the way he hit me, slapped me and tortured me was unmanly, inhumanly, I had lost my throat and ears for 2 months. Now what? Like every other girls whose hit and tamed by her partner even I stopped going to work to avoid the shameful instances of not talking to colleagues, unable to answer their question, also unable to control the feelings. More over cant work as my throat and ears were damaged. So friends all this was going on with me, while I dint realize there was someone waiting for me at office, he doesn’t talk to me or chat with me but is a silent observer- Nitin Madas.
Nitin was an employee of Satyam too, new joinee. He was in “love at first sight” situation. Uff, try to understand guys. He sees me everyday from last row, where in I used to sit in first row. He used to be so negligent in the class and I used to complete my test papers well before time. He used to not talk directly but comment on my answers in the class. All he liked was not one or two, just me. I never knew this till when he dint come up to me to find out what was wrong and why I wasn’t attending the training?
He calls me one day on my cell phone to check why I wasn’t in the cab, when he gets to know that I am unwell, takes my permission to come home as a friend. Lonely girl, dint know what to do and allows him come home. Looking at my pathetic condition he is moved, all he said was,
“Don’t worry, as long as you live in this town call me for any help.” Continues, “By the way, the guy who tamed you, is he your boy friend?”

I always told people that he is boyfriend to avoid unexpected, unnecessary proposals, but never knew this would be a problem in my life, anyways, I nodded my head- Yes.
He was shocked, took a deep breadth and continues talking, “How old is he?” I dint want to answer, but I did. “He is atleast 6-7 yrs older to me!”.

Nitin’s astonished- “What? Are you crazy? Are you mad? Have all the guys of your age dead in this country? Could you not choose atleast someone of you age?”

I just stood by quietly for sometime, thought for a second, “I don’t know, some how I feel comfortable with little older men, looks like they understand me better than guys of my age. My age guys always seemed very immature to me. So I compromise my feelings.” I said.
He was shocked again, just looked into my eyes, so wet, drop of tear waiting to pour down. He said “Ok forget it. I will inform the team leader about your health conditions, and do call me if you need any help.”

At that point of time, I could dare to smile, and I did. Not because I found a person so sweet, because I found a friend so sweet and I am still ignorant that this guy whom I think is sweet is actually sweet because he loves me within himself and has not dared to express it to me. Oh God!

During this period of overcoming the loneliness, I was actually missing my family- a lot; I knew I was hurting them as I haven’t informed them that I was shifting to Hyderabad completely. But I had to do something about my life too and I was already in the early 20’s of my life. But my love towards my parents couldn’t stay there for long, finally I check my email one day. What I see to my surprise, it’s my father’s email… oh god, you are so great. It was my lunch break had very less time and loads of emails, but the moment I found an email from my father, just wept like a kid. Actually making noises and my colleague passing by tried to console me. I replied my father about how much I miss them and what made me take this crucial step in my life. (For me it is crucial because it was my first ever decision towards my career which had no direction). Always wanting to be a model, an actress etc was haunting my thoughts at times when I used to be alone. As I used to always do it in part time at b’lore, thought about it in hyd too, but for my bad luck never found a proper agency, so it was really difficult for me to look for one, then continued my work, oh, by now I had changed from satyam to Club Mahindra, then to Ista- hotel. Now I am working as an administrator for one of the international spa schools in India- sounds good isn’t it?