14 Jan 2010
Zombie's new turn
Moving on in life, the idea of being a model has suppressed for a while, was concentrating in learning the SPA treatments, dint study, but I was in charge of typing notes for students therefore was easy for me to learn and understand things all by me and my colleagues were really happy about my work and interest in upbringing the school. Here I was improving my inner qualities, like working in a hospitality industry, cleanliness, hygiene, punctuality, organizing the admin set up, dealing with different departments, fees, billing etc etc… looks like the list never ends…
All this was going on well and also kept my life so busy. All the time I was thinking about improving the school in its best way; discussing about my work with friends and colleagues. This actually gave me very little time for my personal life. I could not call Nitin as often as I used to or my parents too. He was upset about it, but I just had explanation and nothing much. There was a gap that started building up, but I never took it that serious. I always thought no matter what we will be together. I believed that I have made a emotional connection with him and not just the outer pleasure. But he could not understand what I was talking about. He really behaved so immature, by complaining about my over times at office, no time for him when he wants to come home, friends not being allowed at my home etc.. That he used to do when I used to live in Begum pet. I tried to handle the situation but could never convince him. He assumed that I had an affair may be therefore I was avoiding him, perhaps! Yes, this was upsetting, no solution at this point in time. Sometimes I cried and sometimes ignored but I never felt depressed this time. Some how I felt, this is all a love life is; happier in the beginning and ok after few months or a year. But, “to not give up” quality in me keeps me going.
With all the happy staff around I found a nice friend at Ista, his name is Yudishthir Singh Rathod, very patient and understanding. We met during the Annual day meetings at Ista and somehow we clicked to be really good friends. I hardly make friends who are close to me and when some is then there is something really interesting about the person that gets me closer to him or her. For sometime I was thinking about this friendship, is it true or not? But it was a true friendship. He came to me whenever I needed his help, whenever he felt I was lonely, I needed some compassion and never let me down. Sometimes when I had bad days at work he used to explain how things work in a hospitality industry, how the hierarchy is, how I should react or reply etc. This helped me so much in working better there! Finally we set the annual day on fire, full on fun, dance, drama, fashion show my god what not? It was a rocking evening with a closing party. Dj was organized and we had a great bash. After all this we get back to work, in like a month or so, Yudi got a transfer letter. I was really not ready to loose a friend and at the same time his marriage proposal too. After years of living alone (3 yrs by now) found a really good friend, but was loosing him. I felt handicapped at work, now there was no one for me to share my feelings and discuss about work. How much I was used to sharing my ideas to yudi and taking his suggestion before doing it? Now I had none but myself. We had a feeling of missing each other so much, therefore spent as much time as possible with each other. He was not only helping me professionally but also personally, he always used to tell me to get back to family, get married, be patient, etc. My mom liked him too; she used to always ask for him when she called me, he kind of connected to my mom so well, when she visited Hyderabad for diwali. Before he left, he knew everything about me and my family, so he knew where I was wrong and how I could rectify. But what’s the use, before he could help me solve the biggest problem in my life he is already preparing to go. It was really sad that he was going, everyone at work knew that we were really good friends including his boss and mine, infact some colleagues thought that we were having an affair too, but there was no time for an affair and we were clear about each others lives. He always kept telling me to settle with nitin as soon as possible, knowing that nitin doesn’t work and can get mislead anytime, he thought may be after marrying me he will be ok, but it was me who did not want to take the risk.
We went to watch a movie the day before he was leaving, and then got our portrait pictured from the mall, it was rainy and we enjoyed the rain too. Oh! It was such a fun filled day. It was really long that I enjoyed with any friend so much, just felt like a school girl who has her best friend always you see.
Anyways, finally he left one day. Such a disappointment it was. I did cry too. I dint believe myself that I was crying like a kid sitting at my desk. Now here comes Milind Salunke. He admires me for what I am, always; no he was not a colleague but a student. He was a Ayurvedic Doctor by profession but was interested in SPA therapies therefore joined our school. My god, he was such an irritating character I must say. Till when he joined our school he almost killed us by his phone calls for enquires and I was the unfortunate ones to deal with him. He always thanked me for the assistance, but also observed me closely after joining the school. When Yudi left Ista and I was almost lone, he kept me engaged. He is funny but irritating. He was our first student, so always has some exceptional reason to come to Admin office and talk to me.
Ok, some more, some other time, cheers!
11 Jan 2010
Zombie contd
Time to continue guys, ok we stopped at Hyderabad.
Hyderbad city on the very first day seemed so pale and filled with boredom, but for a depressed mind like mine the atmosphere quite added on. Those were the recent days of my dear uncle’s death. So I was filled with loads of sadness and depression already, to ad on I had no friends in Hyderabad. I tried really hard to come out of it. I joined “Satyam” so that my life gets easier. Again worked there as a tech support executive for a handsome amount as salary. Resume and good amount of experience therefore, salary was not an issue. I was given a guest house to stay at “Banjara hills”, nice place I must say. Had some colleagues too in my flat, everyone was enjoying their stay except me, just the thing that my heart was not ready to accept anyone as friends, but I did make myself feel better in those 15 days that I stayed there. Suddenly, we all get a notice that the stat period is over and we have to look out for a stay elsewhere. Now I really dint know the city. With a little work out I understood that every new comer in the city stays at “Gachi Bowli, kondapur” etc, places that are close to office. But I dint want to do that, I took my opportunity to know the city better and wanted to stay away from those bangloreans, so worked out on the city and found a pent house at “Begumpet, Gagan vihar colony”, just next to airport (Old one). Quite and calm place, it was a furnished house, with gas too. Good, well cultured owners what else. I had a neighbor from south- Tamilian, they were newly wedded couple with a kid less than a year so I would spend some time with the kid, just to keep myself engaged and away from depression. It was nice to enjoy single-dom, I began to live like what I want to. While all this was going on, Srinivas came in my life, was a friend from b’lore but originally from Hyderabad. He suddenly developed an interest in me and got too possessive. Well developing an interest was quite natural so there was nothing harm but suddenly getting so possessive was too much to handle. Due to his crazy possessive attitude I almost lost my life, yes he literally manhandled me ad tamed me like an animal for a simple reason that the office cab picks me first and he had to call on my cell. Very unfortunate girl for happiness! His possessiveness was almost breaking nerves in brains, I was unwell and suddenly he got unwell too. But could not afford to leave him in a bad stage, he was not able to decide on what to do, he cried like a baby asking sorry for his behavior, but by then my mind was already set that this is the end, no more manhandling should be faced, last cry of death. Yes, death, the way he hit me, slapped me and tortured me was unmanly, inhumanly, I had lost my throat and ears for 2 months. Now what? Like every other girls whose hit and tamed by her partner even I stopped going to work to avoid the shameful instances of not talking to colleagues, unable to answer their question, also unable to control the feelings. More over cant work as my throat and ears were damaged. So friends all this was going on with me, while I dint realize there was someone waiting for me at office, he doesn’t talk to me or chat with me but is a silent observer- Nitin Madas.
Nitin was an employee of Satyam too, new joinee. He was in “love at first sight” situation. Uff, try to understand guys. He sees me everyday from last row, where in I used to sit in first row. He used to be so negligent in the class and I used to complete my test papers well before time. He used to not talk directly but comment on my answers in the class. All he liked was not one or two, just me. I never knew this till when he dint come up to me to find out what was wrong and why I wasn’t attending the training?
He calls me one day on my cell phone to check why I wasn’t in the cab, when he gets to know that I am unwell, takes my permission to come home as a friend. Lonely girl, dint know what to do and allows him come home. Looking at my pathetic condition he is moved, all he said was,
“Don’t worry, as long as you live in this town call me for any help.” Continues, “By the way, the guy who tamed you, is he your boy friend?”
I always told people that he is boyfriend to avoid unexpected, unnecessary proposals, but never knew this would be a problem in my life, anyways, I nodded my head- Yes.
He was shocked, took a deep breadth and continues talking, “How old is he?” I dint want to answer, but I did. “He is atleast 6-7 yrs older to me!”.
Nitin’s astonished- “What? Are you crazy? Are you mad? Have all the guys of your age dead in this country? Could you not choose atleast someone of you age?”
I just stood by quietly for sometime, thought for a second, “I don’t know, some how I feel comfortable with little older men, looks like they understand me better than guys of my age. My age guys always seemed very immature to me. So I compromise my feelings.” I said.
He was shocked again, just looked into my eyes, so wet, drop of tear waiting to pour down. He said “Ok forget it. I will inform the team leader about your health conditions, and do call me if you need any help.”
At that point of time, I could dare to smile, and I did. Not because I found a person so sweet, because I found a friend so sweet and I am still ignorant that this guy whom I think is sweet is actually sweet because he loves me within himself and has not dared to express it to me. Oh God!
During this period of overcoming the loneliness, I was actually missing my family- a lot; I knew I was hurting them as I haven’t informed them that I was shifting to Hyderabad completely. But I had to do something about my life too and I was already in the early 20’s of my life. But my love towards my parents couldn’t stay there for long, finally I check my email one day. What I see to my surprise, it’s my father’s email… oh god, you are so great. It was my lunch break had very less time and loads of emails, but the moment I found an email from my father, just wept like a kid. Actually making noises and my colleague passing by tried to console me. I replied my father about how much I miss them and what made me take this crucial step in my life. (For me it is crucial because it was my first ever decision towards my career which had no direction). Always wanting to be a model, an actress etc was haunting my thoughts at times when I used to be alone. As I used to always do it in part time at b’lore, thought about it in hyd too, but for my bad luck never found a proper agency, so it was really difficult for me to look for one, then continued my work, oh, by now I had changed from satyam to Club Mahindra, then to Ista- hotel. Now I am working as an administrator for one of the international spa schools in India- sounds good isn’t it?
Hyderbad city on the very first day seemed so pale and filled with boredom, but for a depressed mind like mine the atmosphere quite added on. Those were the recent days of my dear uncle’s death. So I was filled with loads of sadness and depression already, to ad on I had no friends in Hyderabad. I tried really hard to come out of it. I joined “Satyam” so that my life gets easier. Again worked there as a tech support executive for a handsome amount as salary. Resume and good amount of experience therefore, salary was not an issue. I was given a guest house to stay at “Banjara hills”, nice place I must say. Had some colleagues too in my flat, everyone was enjoying their stay except me, just the thing that my heart was not ready to accept anyone as friends, but I did make myself feel better in those 15 days that I stayed there. Suddenly, we all get a notice that the stat period is over and we have to look out for a stay elsewhere. Now I really dint know the city. With a little work out I understood that every new comer in the city stays at “Gachi Bowli, kondapur” etc, places that are close to office. But I dint want to do that, I took my opportunity to know the city better and wanted to stay away from those bangloreans, so worked out on the city and found a pent house at “Begumpet, Gagan vihar colony”, just next to airport (Old one). Quite and calm place, it was a furnished house, with gas too. Good, well cultured owners what else. I had a neighbor from south- Tamilian, they were newly wedded couple with a kid less than a year so I would spend some time with the kid, just to keep myself engaged and away from depression. It was nice to enjoy single-dom, I began to live like what I want to. While all this was going on, Srinivas came in my life, was a friend from b’lore but originally from Hyderabad. He suddenly developed an interest in me and got too possessive. Well developing an interest was quite natural so there was nothing harm but suddenly getting so possessive was too much to handle. Due to his crazy possessive attitude I almost lost my life, yes he literally manhandled me ad tamed me like an animal for a simple reason that the office cab picks me first and he had to call on my cell. Very unfortunate girl for happiness! His possessiveness was almost breaking nerves in brains, I was unwell and suddenly he got unwell too. But could not afford to leave him in a bad stage, he was not able to decide on what to do, he cried like a baby asking sorry for his behavior, but by then my mind was already set that this is the end, no more manhandling should be faced, last cry of death. Yes, death, the way he hit me, slapped me and tortured me was unmanly, inhumanly, I had lost my throat and ears for 2 months. Now what? Like every other girls whose hit and tamed by her partner even I stopped going to work to avoid the shameful instances of not talking to colleagues, unable to answer their question, also unable to control the feelings. More over cant work as my throat and ears were damaged. So friends all this was going on with me, while I dint realize there was someone waiting for me at office, he doesn’t talk to me or chat with me but is a silent observer- Nitin Madas.
Nitin was an employee of Satyam too, new joinee. He was in “love at first sight” situation. Uff, try to understand guys. He sees me everyday from last row, where in I used to sit in first row. He used to be so negligent in the class and I used to complete my test papers well before time. He used to not talk directly but comment on my answers in the class. All he liked was not one or two, just me. I never knew this till when he dint come up to me to find out what was wrong and why I wasn’t attending the training?
He calls me one day on my cell phone to check why I wasn’t in the cab, when he gets to know that I am unwell, takes my permission to come home as a friend. Lonely girl, dint know what to do and allows him come home. Looking at my pathetic condition he is moved, all he said was,
“Don’t worry, as long as you live in this town call me for any help.” Continues, “By the way, the guy who tamed you, is he your boy friend?”
I always told people that he is boyfriend to avoid unexpected, unnecessary proposals, but never knew this would be a problem in my life, anyways, I nodded my head- Yes.
He was shocked, took a deep breadth and continues talking, “How old is he?” I dint want to answer, but I did. “He is atleast 6-7 yrs older to me!”.
Nitin’s astonished- “What? Are you crazy? Are you mad? Have all the guys of your age dead in this country? Could you not choose atleast someone of you age?”
I just stood by quietly for sometime, thought for a second, “I don’t know, some how I feel comfortable with little older men, looks like they understand me better than guys of my age. My age guys always seemed very immature to me. So I compromise my feelings.” I said.
He was shocked again, just looked into my eyes, so wet, drop of tear waiting to pour down. He said “Ok forget it. I will inform the team leader about your health conditions, and do call me if you need any help.”
At that point of time, I could dare to smile, and I did. Not because I found a person so sweet, because I found a friend so sweet and I am still ignorant that this guy whom I think is sweet is actually sweet because he loves me within himself and has not dared to express it to me. Oh God!
During this period of overcoming the loneliness, I was actually missing my family- a lot; I knew I was hurting them as I haven’t informed them that I was shifting to Hyderabad completely. But I had to do something about my life too and I was already in the early 20’s of my life. But my love towards my parents couldn’t stay there for long, finally I check my email one day. What I see to my surprise, it’s my father’s email… oh god, you are so great. It was my lunch break had very less time and loads of emails, but the moment I found an email from my father, just wept like a kid. Actually making noises and my colleague passing by tried to console me. I replied my father about how much I miss them and what made me take this crucial step in my life. (For me it is crucial because it was my first ever decision towards my career which had no direction). Always wanting to be a model, an actress etc was haunting my thoughts at times when I used to be alone. As I used to always do it in part time at b’lore, thought about it in hyd too, but for my bad luck never found a proper agency, so it was really difficult for me to look for one, then continued my work, oh, by now I had changed from satyam to Club Mahindra, then to Ista- hotel. Now I am working as an administrator for one of the international spa schools in India- sounds good isn’t it?
7 Dec 2009
New Sunshine
This is anew sunshine
this is a new beginning
come lets walk together
thats the way we are...
this is a new sunshine
deep into these lights
feel the divine inside
pass through with me
for, that the way we ought to be...
this is a new sunshine
come lets fly to the sky
lets commit to life
to live with new hopes in life
for thats why we are alive
this is a new sunshine
this is a new beginning
come lets walk together
thats the way we are...
this is a new sunshine
deep into these lights
feel the divine inside
pass through with me
for, that the way we ought to be...
this is a new sunshine
come lets fly to the sky
lets commit to life
to live with new hopes in life
for thats why we are alive
this is a new sunshine
Where Will I Go?
You are so excited, excited to go,
you'll be happy may be
but, where will i go?
I peeped from the bushes,
you got a beautiful girl,
it was your wedding
and, i wept all night....
but i smiled, smiled all while
coz, i could see how excited you are....
i followed you wherever u went,
i could see her arms around yours,
i was'nt of that standards may be,
therefore, i was always alone
when i thought i was yours
but, i still smiled all while
thinking of your future that'll be happy
i called you at times,
to just hear your voice,
but i always heard hers,
and hung up without speaking a word,
but i still smiled, though i was drunk
though i was weeping,
coz, all that i need was- for u to be happy
You were so excited, excited to go
you are very happy may be.....
and still i smile all the while,
asking to myself "Where Will I Go?"
you'll be happy may be
but, where will i go?
I peeped from the bushes,
you got a beautiful girl,
it was your wedding
and, i wept all night....
but i smiled, smiled all while
coz, i could see how excited you are....
i followed you wherever u went,
i could see her arms around yours,
i was'nt of that standards may be,
therefore, i was always alone
when i thought i was yours
but, i still smiled all while
thinking of your future that'll be happy
i called you at times,
to just hear your voice,
but i always heard hers,
and hung up without speaking a word,
but i still smiled, though i was drunk
though i was weeping,
coz, all that i need was- for u to be happy
You were so excited, excited to go
you are very happy may be.....
and still i smile all the while,
asking to myself "Where Will I Go?"
Like Always U do
I am fighting, fighting against my life
i am trying, trying to win my life
to see you,
to hold you,
to hug you,
like always i do....
and to not let you go,
not let you go in others arms
this is the fight, fight against my life
i am trying, trying to win my life
to feel me all over you,
to see me all around you,
to smell me all over you,
like always you use to do....
and to not let you go,
not let you go in others arms
this is the fight, fight against my life
i am trying, trying to win my life
to sleep on your lap,
to be fed by you,
to be kisses always,
like always you do.....
and to not let you go,
not let you go in others arms
this is the fight, fight against my life
i am trying, trying to win my life
i am trying, trying to win my life
to see you,
to hold you,
to hug you,
like always i do....
and to not let you go,
not let you go in others arms
this is the fight, fight against my life
i am trying, trying to win my life
to feel me all over you,
to see me all around you,
to smell me all over you,
like always you use to do....
and to not let you go,
not let you go in others arms
this is the fight, fight against my life
i am trying, trying to win my life
to sleep on your lap,
to be fed by you,
to be kisses always,
like always you do.....
and to not let you go,
not let you go in others arms
this is the fight, fight against my life
i am trying, trying to win my life
SIMPLY BUBBLY
Me me me, simply bubbly
and thats the way i want it to be.
singing and dancing to the tunes of birds
laughing and giggling on silly silly things
jumping and shouting when the whole world is quite
and thats the way i want it to be
me me me, simply bubbly
kisses and misses every time we are far
hugs and cuddles for what we are
memories and sorrow we share at par
and thats the way i want it to be
me me me, simply bubbly
movies and parks tat we can roam everywhere
sofas and chairs to play in the air
kitchen and bedroom and romance everywhere
and that the way i want it to be
me me me, simply bubbly
and thats the way i want it to be.
singing and dancing to the tunes of birds
laughing and giggling on silly silly things
jumping and shouting when the whole world is quite
and thats the way i want it to be
me me me, simply bubbly
kisses and misses every time we are far
hugs and cuddles for what we are
memories and sorrow we share at par
and thats the way i want it to be
me me me, simply bubbly
movies and parks tat we can roam everywhere
sofas and chairs to play in the air
kitchen and bedroom and romance everywhere
and that the way i want it to be
me me me, simply bubbly
6 Oct 2009
Kahan hai?
Chupke se jo nazron se bathein hoti thi
aaj chupke se vo nasar milthe bhi nahi
kaise bhikhar gayi hai ye pyar ke lamhe
aaj pyar ke nishan bhi nahi rahi...
Kisiki chahat aaj majboor hogayi
logon ke saath aise milgayi
ke jis mohabbat ko sari kaynath keh the the
aaj wohi mohabbath musibath ban gayi......
Ye majboori hai hai ya lachaari
ke duniya badi dikhe aur pyar choti
jiske liye qurbaan karthe the apna sab kuch
aaj vohi dil ho gayi hai kisi gairon ki
Haye ye teri majboori
Aur teri bewafai
kahan chod diya hai tumne
vo pyar bhari nadani..
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