Zombie

Lived for 25 years out of which 21 years were lived up to others expectation, just like a robot which has no brains and does things as fed in the chipset. Yes, it’s about me. Then, I decide to live my life, my self, with a self consciousness.

I decide to do my studies by myself, borrow money, pay fees and get through the certificate course, completing diploma was not so tough as tough it is today to live at my very home. I rather struggle to get few more degrees, however the situations are never in favor of me. I have always tried hard to get admissions in good colleges and universities and the very next moment I am not able to join it for continuing, why? I really have no answer or I have so many reasons that they don’t really make sense, but it did when I really tried hard to study. Anyways, then what I did is the major Question for people who want to know about me.

As every other helpless individual does, joined a job, very low salary but at least I got some salary , dear friends that was the time I realized how important money could be in ones life. I started to realize why my parents dint have money for my further studies, anyways compromising with my situations I carried on, but how could I just do a receptionist job, when there is a strong feeling from within that says you are much more better than just a receptionist. Come on do something and earn more, make your living of your own choice. I struggled hard to get the English language with the grammar correct, but I did do it. After borrowing money from my cousins bro, I dint want to really do that further. I joined Call Center that fetched me a better salary, of course after many rejections I go through one fine day- I needed time to learn English you see :D. Then attend interview and then face rejections and do a lot of Google studies on English pronunciation and intonation, then a lot of modulation and stuff…..

Ok, I will tell you, and then I was looking out for better salary as the company that I was working was a direct, it was a place where processes were outsourced and we used to get lower pay than the direct employees. This was really hurting, after you know that you work hard to be the topper and still getting paid so less than what the actual employees were was too bad. I then realized that I should join a company that hires directly, slowly browsed about various other companies, eventual landed up joining HP, which became my favorite company in the process of searching, I joined it and started working as a chat support technician, in parallel I wanted to do something creative, I used to write poems and articles, but something that was in my mind since my childhood was to be in TV’s and Films, I used to think that this field is more creative and interesting, well I know my thinking is not wrong, but yes now I realized how much you need to invest in yourself to see in TV screen or Big silver screens. Knowing the fact that I have a passion and some time to invest I approached a small firm called Ifashions in Bangalore for part time modeling, did well there as well, then I understood that I have few qualities in me. I continued it this way. I walked ramps and did commercials ads for Bangalore based channel. Oh, you are wondering about what other talent that I identified in myself??? Good Question.

This incident, I was walking in forum along with my friends it was 1st of November and there was a karaoke troop that was performing there. However, this group dint had any Kannada singer in the group or in the audience, which was very embarrassing. They announced if anyone from audience could sing a Kannada song for that day as it was “Karnataka’s Constitutional formation day”, I was just watching and saw that no one approached the group. Slowly a girl walked upto me who recognized me as receptionist that I worked for a homeopathic firm, and introduced me to the karaoke group. I was happy that I am getting to know better people in life. And the boss “Subbu” asked me if I knew kannada and simply knodded my head, yes sir, I do know and he said please sing for the group. Oh God!! That was an astonishing feeling for me. I was worried if I go wrong, but he encouraged me and I boldly took the mic in my hand. I started to sing, so nervous that I started sweating, and then the group also joined me in chorus, I felt better…. What a feeling it was! Superb! Since then my sir wanted me to be a part of his group. And there I go; I also started singing every Saturday at forum. 
Isn’t it “a talent”?

Anyways, slowly the troubles that I encountered by exploring my talent was too tough to handle. I really wanted to be something, I really wanted to become popular, I really wanted to earn name and fame and money so that I could live a nice live without a partner and this cause was never encouraged at home. And I was getting depressed f this feeling, there were small personal reasons that I changed my job but very unhappy. I then joined NGO as administrator, felt good, but there was a problem too. The girl who was close to my boss before I could join couldn’t handle my boss praising me for my work, all ego shit was going on and I was trying to change myself and control my ego and self esteem, but yeah I realized that was disturbing her mentally too. I really couldn’t handle it, though I was happy working there. I realized by myself that I need to be free off all this clashes. I moved to a new city- Hyderabad.

And …. Will tell you later. Take care till you get to read new things.